


is it selfish to want more?

by fleurami



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Pining, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 12:18:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14212998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurami/pseuds/fleurami
Summary: this is unfinished!  i can't uh, summarize stuff well but it's just a get-together fic thats mostly fluff with very slight angst. i wanna finish this but not sure if it'll be worth it, but let me know if you think i should!





	is it selfish to want more?

          Ned peeked over the textbook he was pretending to study from as he heard Peter snorting at some joke Liz had made.

          Not the best choice, as at that moment Peter had also decided to sneak a kiss on Liz’s cheek.

          “Eugh, you guys are so disgustingly sweet I had to write a note to my dentist about all the fucking cavities I get just from being around you two,” MJ had set down her book to jokingly glare at Peter and Liz. Laughing a bit too nervously at MJ’s joke, Ned decided to just try and focus on anything but the couple.

          He might be just a bit jealous. That's not the worst part of the situation either. He doesn't know who or what or  _ why  _ he’s so jealous. His mind tossed a few ideas around: maybe he has a thing for Liz, or he's worried his friend will always ditch him for his girlfriend, or maybe he might just want a relationship of his own and just feels lonely.

          He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a gentle kick under the table.

          “-still here with us, Ned? May’ll pick you up about 7, that sound good?” He looked up from his book to Peter and smiled.

          “Dude of course, I'm way too stoked for this! Just the four of us, every Lord of the Rings movie, and hella snacks,” he reached over the table to Peter and they perfectly executed their handshake.

          “Hon, let's head to class early! I wanted to talk to Mr. Lynch before class,” Liz had already started pulling Peter away from the table as she said this. They both waved goodbye before heading off. 

          Ned’s gaze lingered over Peter’s retreating figure for a second too long, and his brain came up with a last idea for his unreasonable jealousy:  _ maybe you have a thing for Peter? _

          God, he hoped it wasn't that. He would be so  _ fucked. _

___________

 

          The council is arguing about what to do with the ring to rule them all, May is trying her hardest to make a good dinner for all of Peter’s friends, and Ned can't stop thinking about his friend. His eyes keep catching glances at Peter’s jaw line, the peaks of his face illuminated just right by the tv screen, how his eyes widen at certain parts, and the way his lips move slightly when he's quoting his favorite lines.

          God, he is so  _ fucked. _

          He's looking at the most important person in his world and realizes he's in love with him. Ned considers all the possibilities for how this could turn out. Peter is polyamorous, so in a neutral-good ending, he would date Ned and Liz. However, Ned isn't the kind of person who's emotionally stable enough for a polyamorous relationship.

          Strike.

          Peter finds out how he feels and doesn't return them, chaotic bad ending in which he is disgusted by Ned and leaves him forev- nope. Don't think about it, Ned.

          Strike, strike,  _ strike. _

          Chaotic good ending where Peter realizes Ned is the everything he ever needed, falls in love with him, Liz and him keep a mutual respect for each other as they both move on… maybe MJ and Liz get together… Peter tenderly kisses Ned during a fireworks show…

          Only in his wildest dreams, strike.

          All he's left with is the most likely possibility.

          “Peter, everyone, dinners done! And I think it looks passable as food, I'm pretty proud of myself,” May interrupts Ned’s thoughts. They all rush into the kitchen, MJ being the only one to think to pause the movie.

          “May! This looks amazing!”

          “I think it tastes amazing!”

          “May, you're amazing, this is so-”

“          Okay, okay! I love all the appreciation, but I'm getting a little sick of hearing the word ama-” Immediately, all four snarky-ass teens chime in with “amazing,” causing May to start giggling.

          Peter’s snorting when his shoulder brushes against Ned’s and he looks up at him. Fuck, and Ned had never noticed how soft and inviting Peter’s eyes are. _Not now, gay thoughts_.

          May leaned over to Ned and put her hand on her chin. 

          “I heard you were applying to MIT, I’ve been telling Peter he should go there too, but he’s so hesitant. Maybe if you get in, having a friend there might convince him to go too,” she waggled her eyebrows at Peter, and he coughed nervously.

          “Uh, yeah, I, uh… I’m just not so sure about going straight into college! Especially if I can get a good job working for Mr. Stark…” Liz grabbed Peter’s hand and looked him in the eyes.

          “Peter, you should look into it anyways, you’ll get so much farther if you look into college. With that mind of yours, it could be wasted potential,” that made Peter sigh, and he looked to Ned for help. Seeing those big, brown puppy-dog eyes made him weak in the knees.

          “I’m sure whatever he chooses to do, he’ll be amazing.” Seeing Peter’s smile light up at that, it was worth it all. Even with his hand in someone else’s, seeing him so happy was well worth any hurt Ned might feel.

          The most likely course of action Ned will take is decided. A true neutral ending, he stays by Peter’s side and puts away his feelings to be there for him, always. Ned could never stand to lose him.

__________________

 

          At the moment, Peter was hanging upside-down from a web and staring intently at his phone. Seeing he was so focused, Ned spent a little longer than he normally would admiring Peter’s features. The hard lines of his jaw, the creases between his eyebrows, and god, the bit of skin being revealed due to his shirt lifting up…  _ What the fuck, gay thoughts.  _ Ned turned his head away and sighed.

          “Who ya texting, show-off?” Peter, startled by the sudden break in silence, dropped his phone and squeaked, and Ned thought it was way too fucking adorable. 

          “Uh, I- uh it’s just Matt,” he was scrambling to pick up his phone as he said this, picking it up by his weird, sticky spidey fingers.  _ How do those even work? Like… how does he choose what sticks to his fingers and what doesn’t? Also, who’s Matt? _

          “Is that the fucking... what’s his name? Devil boy?” Peter starts losing his shit at the nickname. He just dropped down and is currently wheezing on the ground and gasping out the words “devil boy” between snorts.

          “Oh my god, Ned, darling. Light of my life, his name is Daredevil, but you know damn well his name in my phone is getting changed to ‘devil boy’ and I have you to thank for that,” Ned grinned proudly at him before turning his attention to the tv.

          “You wanna watch something? We can watch some X Files, maybe mess around with some Firefly, or we could always go back to the basics with a good ol’ fashioned Star Wars marathon?” He looked expectantly at Peter, who had his finger on his chin and his brows furrowed in thought.  _ How the fuck can someone look so cute, it’s so unfair…  _

          Peter’s eyes lit up and he turned to Ned with a devilish grin.

          “Ned, we gotta watch the prequels and discuss the finer points of our ongoing conspiracy about-”

          “About how Jar Jar is totally a fucking Sith Lord! Dude, yes!” Ned jumped up and slammed the disk into the player. Peter nabbed some snacks from the kitchen, waving at Ned’s mom on the way. She had a glass of wine in one hand and was on the phone (probably with May) in the other.

          The two boys settled on Ned’s futon, snacks ready and movie playing. 

          Ned totally didn't focus on how close Peter was. Or how his breath ghosted over his ear when Peter stage-whispered jokes to him. He definitely,  _ totally _ , did not swoon when Peter started getting sleepy and leaned into Ned a bit. He was completely fine with all of this. Totally.

          Two 2 litre bottles of soda, 5 bags of popcorn, and 1 ½ movies later, Peter Benjamin Parker officially had his head in Ned Leed’s lap and he is barely able to cope with it. The boy is about half asleep when he turns his head to look up at Ned and mumbles, “What if… Ned, hear me out on this… Imagine if spiders had like, fucking hands. A human-ass looking hand on, like on each spindly leg. Oh, god… Or a foot.”

          “No, buddy, what if they had a normal spider body except with 6 normal human legs. Hairy, gross, muscle-y legs,”

          “I don’t think, uh I’m not sure if muscle-y is a word, but I like the way you think,” with that comment, he booped Ned on his nose with a heart-wrenchingly adorable grin on his face.

          He smiled back at Peter, letting the credits roll for a bit before getting up, letting the moment sit for a little bit.

          Ned always held on to these moments. Times where he could just sit there with Peter in comfortable silence, just being together. All his time was eaten up by school, Spiderman, Stark, and Liz. He loved the fact Peter still set aside time for him, but Ned was selfish as hell and wanted so much more. 

          “I'll get the next one playing, and I swear on everything I know and love I will not fall asleep on you,” he punctuated this sentence with a yawn, already contradicting what he just said. 

          Peter groaned over dramatically before rolling off the futon straight onto his face. He continued to let out a dragged out groan as he rolled over to the DVD player, flung his arm out to press the button, switched out the disks, then finished the performance by rolling onto his back and sticking his tongue out.

          “Peter Benjamin you are the biggest drama queen I’ve ever met,” Ned said while rolling his eyes fondly at him.

          “Ned Leeds I am  _ shocked _ and  **_offended_ ** you would ever imply something like that about me! Or I would be if I wasn’t dead,” Peter closed his eyes and stuck his tongue out again and mumbled “Blegh, I’m so dead. Super dead.”

          Ned yawned and stretched out on the futon.

          “Guess you can’t finish this godawful movie if you’re dead, so I’ll just eat the rest of your sweet tart ropes…”

          “Don’t you dare touch my candy!” Peter jumped up and grabbed the package out of Ned’s hands with a “yoink!”

          After sprawling out on the futon with Ned again, they settled into more comfortable silence watching the movie. Ned felt hyper-aware of every point of his body that was touching Peter’s, it felt cheesy just thinking it but he felt so warm around him. 

          Nearing the end of the movie, Peter scoffed.

          “What is it this time? Tell me what you hate about the movie, Peter. Tear it to fucking shreds, do it Peter. Let the hate flow through you,” Ned wiggled his fingers mocking Palpatine and Peter burst into a fit of giggles.

          “Oh my god, okay for one, you’re a huge nerd. Secondly, it’s so bad. George Lucas can’t write a non-sexist, not disgustingly creepy romance to save his life! Like, you’ve heard me go on and on about Han and Leia, right?”

          “I have, and I agree with you so much,”

          “Yeah! And, like, I honestly hate Anankin and Padme’s thing even worse, if that was even possible!” Ned turned his head to Peter and nodded, prompting him to go on. He honestly loved hearing this boy rant so passionately, it was so adorable.

          “All right, here’s the rundown. First of all, they start Anakin out so young having him meet her that there’s an imbalance of powers in the relationship already. Anakin’s a little boy who’s looking up to this pretty, smart girl who’s literally a freaking princess. He grows older, and he latches onto that childhood infatuation and lusts after her even more. He places her on this huge pedestal and obsesses over the idea of her. This guy doesn’t love her at all, he doesn’t even know what love is. He’s infatuated with this perfect image of her that he’s painted in his mind and it’s so toxic,” Peter took a deep breath and looked back at Ned. “Okay, rant over.”

          “You make some solid points there Petey, I’d have to say I pretty much agree with you.” Peter nodded at his words and seemed to zone out staring at the wall. Ned figured he was probably wiped out and started to focus on the movie again.

          “Hey, uh, Ned?” 

          “What's up?”

          Peter sat up and looked him in the eyes, way more intense than before.

          “I know this is super sudden and really deep and cheesy, but what do you think love is?” Ned’s heart stopped. He couldn't make eye contact with Peter, not now. _ What's love? Why is he bringing up such a weird, heavy topic?  _ Ned’s gaze wandered back to Peter’s, his eyes were wide, his hand on his chin and he waited for Ned to answer him. He looked so beautiful like this, and fuck, of course Ned knew the answer.

          “Don't judge me for getting cheesy with this dude, because you brought it up first. But, uh… I guess love is just a feeling you get, ya know?” Peter leaned closer and nodded for Ned to go on. “It's like, you feel your best around them. Seeing them makes you calm down and shit like that. I don't know Peter, you know I'm no good with feelings and words. It's just an emotion, a feeling.” When Ned finished, he nodded at Peter.

          “And what do you think, Mr. 3-am-philosophy.” Peter sighed and pouted, probably trying to come up with the right words. The movie was completely forgotten at this point, Obi-Wan was shouting at Anakin about how he loved him as a brother and Ned couldn’t give a single shit about anything but the boy in front of him.

          “I guess, I’d have to say that yeah, maybe at first it’s all about your gut feelings and your emotions, but it becomes real love when it’s more of a… choice? I don’t know how else to put it. You can’t really control how you feel, but you can choose what to do with your emotions. You can choose to learn to love someone even with all their mistakes and spend your life with them,” he shrugged and leaned his head back, squinting at the ceiling and looking completely focused. “You feel me? It’s, well it’s like how the first part of a relationship is all sunshine and happiness, right? That’s all just pure infatuation. Beyond that, when you start making a conscious effort and start  _ choosing  _ to be around that person, that’s what real love is.” Peter’s head lolled to the side, and he caught Ned’s eye. In that moment, Ned’s heart and brain malfunctioned all at the same time. 

_           I swear. To. Fucking. God. Gay. Thoughts. _

          Jumping off the couch, Peter mumbled something about being “completely exhausted” and “ready to die” and hit the lights. The two crawled into bed, and despite the palpable tension, Ned was eventually able to get some sleep.


End file.
